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Forum Home > Why I Left AA > How do I get away from recovery/AA ?

Srbanned
Member
Posts: 77

I think the authors of this page know what im talking about when I say "get away". I have been a part of this recovery and AA thing working for a treatment center and sober living for over 2 years now.

I have no  connections/support in the "real world" so I cant just turn and run from this just like that and be alone 24/7  for who knows how long.


But being around nothing but this recovery thing is so draining at the same time ,there is so much bull-shit, lieng cheating fake phoney people coming and going over and over and over again. 


I have to get away from this somehow and get a life.



February 8, 2013 at 10:14 PM Flag Quote & Reply

rainbow
Member
Posts: 222

It's scary, I know. We've all been where you are. Welcome. Purge. Walk out now before they suck your brain out and make you a zombie like they are. I was terrified at first, but I also felt such a freedom, like I haven't felt in a long time. I was paranoid, sad, angry, disbelief at the years I wasted listening to a bunch of neurotic, lying, drama filled, molesters, thieves, hustlers, scammers, con-artists, egocentric psychopaths. It's only lonely for a little while.

I thought I'd never have friends anymore, but they are everywhere and it takes time. Hang out in coffee shops, the library, the produce section of the supermarket (that's a great one!)  Plant a garden, take up a hobbie, write a book about how AA sucks, read read read, write write write, go to the mountains, ocean, river, some place in Nature. Read the Orange Papers, LeavingAA.com. Join OKcupid.com.  Take time for yourself, get to know the real you. It's deep inside you; that place they could never quite suck out of you. Thank goodness!

Cry, scream, throw rocks, take some time to grieve, let it out. I quit the cult 9 months ago. I only had 2 friends at first. Now I'm making new friends. Real friends that don't guilt me, shame me, make me feel like I'm worthless. You will be so surprized at how good each day feels when you finally walk out those roomz for good. Leaving AA is like opening up beautiful white french doors out into a beautiful, waiting world. The air smells fresher, the sun is brighter, the grass looks greener, the birds chirp happier!  And soon you'll be happier too.   Just my 2 pesos. 


February 8, 2013 at 10:58 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Sue
Member
Posts: 86

http://moynihaninstitute.blogspot.com/2012/10/leaving-aa-after-22-years.html

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February 9, 2013 at 12:07 AM Flag Quote & Reply

SallyJ
Member
Posts: 435

It's not an easy thing to do, not for anyone.  I'd guess the weight of having your income be an obstacle will make things rougher.  I'd suggest finding another job, and obviously one where you will feel you are surrounded by "true" people.  As your looking, you may want to slowly transition your life away from the current scene. Less/no meetings to being around others. Family, non AA friends.  I belieeve my out was comparably easier.  I just said no more and didn't go to meetings.  It was tough in the friend and lonliness department, but as I educated myself on the reality of AA and truth about myself, I knew that I belonged elswhere and felt more welcome.   I wish you good luck and happiness. If you get out and get right, you will find it. :)

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Pro Empowerment!

February 9, 2013 at 1:15 AM Flag Quote & Reply

CritiCoolThinking
Member
Posts: 203

 i was sucked in to aa too. i went to college and immersed myself in the college tribe.  that's just one way. you might try deprogramming therapy too. its very normal to need help getting away. good luck. you have our understanding.  also it took  me a couple years to leave 100%. thats ok too.

February 9, 2013 at 2:07 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Massive
Member
Posts: 57

Srbanned at February 8, 2013 at 10:14 PM

I think the authors of this page know what im talking about when I say "get away". I have been a part of this recovery and AA thing working for a treatment center and sober living for over 2 years now.

I have no  connections/support in the "real world" so I cant just turn and run from this just like that and be alone 24/7  for who knows how long.


But being around nothing but this recovery thing is so draining at the same time ,there is so much bull-shit, lieng cheating fake phoney people coming and going over and over and over again. 


I have to get away from this somehow and get a life.



hi - I feel your pain. I left after decades. 2 years ago. I never look back. I grew to Hate AA and all the BS.


One wa y to leave is to get invovled with being a GSR. I guarantee they will eithe rdrive you to drink or leave AA happily  while running to the nearest Smart SOS meeting  or online chat with ex steppers. I created a radio show to express myself  called Safe Recovery. I created 2 blogs leavingaa and stop13 stepinaa. 

Be kind to yourself. You found a good group of people here. We are thousands maybe there are millions of us!!!

February 9, 2013 at 3:09 AM Flag Quote & Reply

rainbow
Member
Posts: 222

{{ We are thousands maybe there are millions of us!!! }}


 

WE'RE THE 95% AND GROWING!!

 

 


We have tshirts for sale:  $1.64  

please specify size and color

shipping $1.64



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my new avatar brings a whole new meaning to the skittles commercial  :D

February 9, 2013 at 9:20 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Srbanned
Member
Posts: 77

Thank you all for responding,

I have to work my way away from this AA recovery scene starting now. 

Its a roller coaster that never stops or levels of when most of my friends are always transient people in AA and "recovery".  I see the cycle I do now, I get a bunch of cool friends in AA that seem permanent and then they relaps, move on , go home ect... Then I get all bummed out for a month or two but then I make  new ones and all is cool for a month or two mabey 3 then the cycle repeats.

This keeps happening and will continue no doubt.

I was getting  close with some regular people in the neighborhood that drank/ partyed a bit and of course there were a few of my co-workers here that made a stink about that.

 These people are such phoneys acting like they care that I was hanging out with partyers cause they care about me, I know they can't stand me cause they gossip and backstab me all the time and would take great joy in my failure cause Im a little older than them , have a bit of savings, a car and refuse to be a total follower.

And these A.A  meetings should be the definition of monotonous !

Adjective

1.Dull, tedious, and repetitious; lacking in variety and interest.

 

People just making statements with no feedback cause its "cross talk" and it always seems like the opening credits for a movie or something that never starts.

 

I just don't like MOST of these recovery people,  Thats the number 1 problem. # 1 !

Rainbow wrote: 

" neurotic, lying, drama filled, molesters, thieves, hustlers, scammers, con-artists, egocentric psychopaths. "

Exactly ! 

February 9, 2013 at 11:08 PM Flag Quote & Reply

bitter
Member
Posts: 335

Of the thousands of people I have been in the rooms with I could count on one hand how many I actually liked & would want as close friends.  

February 10, 2013 at 2:57 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Srbanned
Member
Posts: 77

bitter at February 10, 2013 at 2:57 AM

Of the thousands of people I have been in the rooms with I could count on one hand how many I actually liked & would want as close friends.  

I kind of used to blame myself, Im to shy, I should be more outgoing... stuff like that, then it was I have to find a meetings where people are cool...

I noticed the term "narcissist" alot in this forum and looked up "narcissistic personality disorder", when it popped up as a google suggestion.

Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:

Believing that you're better than others

Taking advantage of others

Exaggerating your achievements or talents

Expecting constant praise and admiration

Believing that you're special and acting accordingly

Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior

Having a fragile self-esteem...

There is a whole list and descrpition that describes "narcissist" and it fits most of these A.A  people.

Check it out http://www.google.com/search?q=narcissistic+personality+disorder

 

So after almost 3 years I never found any real support system and wasted all that time thinking I was going to find something that does not exist in the revolving door of this scam.

I am going to take the advice of those who replyed and immediately start building a life and finding people outside of this "recovery".  With normal people like myself with hobbies and interests ...

I noticed a long time ago these AA recovery people just talk talk talk talk... about nothing exept drugs ,alcohol , there fake sex lives of the past , how great they are ... and who relapsed and there stupid theorys why.

They never talk current events traveling, books, science, hobbies... NORMAL STUFF ever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

February 10, 2013 at 11:15 AM Flag Quote & Reply

bitter
Member
Posts: 335

I usd to think it was me & was actually told it was me that was too shy,too stand-offish & too selfish when I expressed that I felt dis-connected from these people in the rooms. I am glad that I came to realise that I didn't like these people or had anything in common with them.  The "selfish" thing is always thrown at people to beat them down to their level.   It is all talk talk talk & they don;t have normal lives.  Just look into any Alano Club here in the US & you will see what I mean. 

February 10, 2013 at 2:40 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Live_free_or_die
Administrator
Posts: 851

I have to get away from this somehow and get a life.

 

Start Here >> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrBAYD4kmPo

 

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Pro Empowerment - Engage & Enable


February 10, 2013 at 8:11 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Pennywise
Member
Posts: 126

Srbanned at February 8, 2013 at 10:14 PM

I think the authors of this page know what im talking about when I say "get away". I have been a part of this recovery and AA thing working for a treatment center and sober living for over 2 years now.

I have no  connections/support in the "real world" so I cant just turn and run from this just like that and be alone 24/7  for who knows how long.


But being around nothing but this recovery thing is so draining at the same time ,there is so much bull-shit, lieng cheating fake phoney people coming and going over and over and over again. 


I have to get away from this somehow and get a life.



Are you a city mouse or a country mouse? I'm in the city. Anyway, have you thought about volunteering somewhere for a cause that does not have anything directly to do with recovery? When I got sober, I had to change a lot of the things I used to do. I don't hang out in bars and I stay away from drinking in general. But I don't like the AA scene much, either. Now I am not all that much of a social guy, but I get a lot out of volunteering at a homeless shelter. A few nights a week I stop in after work and help dish up some food. It's pretty easy when you get in the groove of it, and I have made a few real solid friendships there. By volunteering, you are putting yourself out there as a caring person, and you will be in an environment with other caring people. After all, losers don't volunteer very often. It's a very healthy social environment for me. People don't talk about always getting wasted or having drinks, but they also don't talk about recovery or sobriety. I care about both the people we serve food to and the people I volunteer with, and I think they really care about me, too. Now maybe there are fewer volunteer opportunities where you live, but there is always something. If you work in a treatment center, you don't have to quit. In fact, you probably shouldn't quit until you've got something else lined up. But you can still distance yourself. And I'm sure you are a likable person. So just put yourself out there and people will start getting to know you organically.

February 10, 2013 at 8:47 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Srbanned
Member
Posts: 77

I have put some effort into meeting  the normal local people outside of all this recovery stuff and its working.

The not so funny but funny thing was when I was hanging out with a new normy friend he was telling me some stories and some stuff he was good at ect and automaticaly I assumed it was 90% bullshit. This was because I am conditioned to assume that from my almost 3 years around people in treatment and AA  !! You all know them, 90% lies and useless yap yap...

I just wanted to run like hell when I made this topic but Im feeling better after putting some effort and having some small success in getting back into the real world. Im sure people browsing this site and reading about things like cult deprograming must be like WTF but its true, for example its not normal to be so changed by this that when you meet new people you expect 90% of what they say to be bull, thats conditioning from being around the recovery scene too long !

  There has to be a better way to do rehabilitation from alcohol / drug abuse. Rehabilitation means; To restore to useful life, as through therapy and education or to restore to good condition, operation, or capacity not this insanity that is the status quo. No way should a method with a 90% failure rate continue as is. I think some of it is good but its so damb flawed overall.

There has to be a better way.

 

February 20, 2013 at 3:43 AM Flag Quote & Reply

StarWanderer
Member
Posts: 5

I'm always going to say this; Leaving A.A is like Truman leaving The Truman Show. There are people, things, and adventure waiting for you, looking for you, it will find you if you're creative enough. I was foutunate enough to have some musical talent so I just got up out of my chair  went to my car, put my keys into the ignition left the A.A. club where I used to go, and just split...out of town to an open mic night at a club. I got real lucky, met some people, got myself into a band and practically lived there for 3 years playing parties and bars around  town. The only thing I can tell you is that life is waiting for you, if you dare and care to look and I didn't have to drink or use, and I never went back to A.A. Why should I? The fellowship was too busy "being grateful" to notice I was missing LOL.

March 27, 2013 at 9:45 PM Flag Quote & Reply

bitter
Member
Posts: 335

When I think of the wasted years in those rooms it makes me angry as hell & I'm glad I am angry cos it tells me that it was 99% bullshit in there.  There is a life outside that cult. And yes it is like the Truman Show leaving that fear-inducing mind-warp. Talking with 12Step people now brings me down so I much prefer non-program people. The conversation is more varied in topic & tone. The insanity of those rooms does & still affect me in ways especially guilt & fear. 

March 27, 2013 at 11:28 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Live_free_or_die
Administrator
Posts: 851

How to deprogram your own mind, by Orange

 

http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-deprogram.html

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Pro Empowerment - Engage & Enable


March 27, 2013 at 11:42 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Srbanned
Member
Posts: 77

Live_free_or_die at March 27, 2013 at 11:42 PM

How to deprogram your own mind, by Orange

 

http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-deprogram.html

That could be useful. Im going to study that.

 

 

 

 

March 30, 2013 at 2:25 AM Flag Quote & Reply

StarWanderer
Member
Posts: 5

bitter at March 27, 2013 at 11:28 PM

When I think of the wasted years in those rooms it makes me angry as hell & I'm glad I am angry cos it tells me that it was 99% bullshit in there.  There is a life outside that cult. And yes it is like the Truman Show leaving that fear-inducing mind-warp. Talking with 12Step people now brings me down so I much prefer non-program people. The conversation is more varied in topic & tone. The insanity of those rooms does & still affect me in ways especially guilt & fear. 

If you read my post on here about the club I used to go to, I think you'll find that I haven't got anymore guilt about naming those in A.A. that deserve it, at the time I went it was plain to see that I just could not stop by myself so I had to go not knowing anything about the seedy side of "The Fellowship" or other alternatives to A.A. the thing is that my experience with the steps taught me how to own my own "Yes" and my own "No" the first time I did that was when I was asked to do the chips after a meeting "You can't say 'No' in A.A." and I said firmly but quietly "Yes I can; 'No!" she just smiled and found someone else and I got tired of the hypocritical bullshit and bizarre stuff going on in "the rooms" which I was so blind to pryor to my doing the steps and thinking for myself with no."Well this is wrong and that is wrong" sponsor bullshit. 


I can go to a bar or club and not drink or use, I can sit right at a bar all night long without fear. I seen one "recovering alcoholic" literally run out of a small pizza joint because they served beer and wine and because his sober girl friend was already out of the door frightened she was going to leave him. I don't have to go looking for hookers on the street because I can go out to a club and get that too. Today I just don't chose to drink or use because I like myself better sober.

March 30, 2013 at 9:44 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Live_free_or_die
Administrator
Posts: 851

Yep, I was in a bar just last night. One of my clients has a band & they were performing so I checked it out. The band is not his profession but he hw plays a mean Gibson. Anyway, before they went on I asked if the band had a tab. Of course! That is how these things work. Part of the compensation is a bar tab up to a limit ($50 last night). My client does not drink, but he does partak ein other activites.

 

Anyway, I walked up to the bartender and asked for a coke and he wants to know if I am with the band. Ha! There was that cunning, baffling and powerful alcohol behind the bartender, just eyeing me like the devil, ya know. I could hear the alcohol screaming "Let me out, Drink Me, Drink Me! I want slither down your throat and into your belly like the sinister Snake I am". Yep.

 

And when I head into the grocery store? Whoa! My state allows the sale of the cunning, baffling and powerful liquid alcohol in grocery stores. Crazy huh? My state condons the furthering of the "disease". Even on Sundays! Fuck, what's a guy to do?

 

I have the grocery store manager rope off the aisle that has the alcohol sitting on the shelves so I can't get to it. I am only in the store maybe 20 minutes so the inconvenience to the other shoppers ain't horrific, ya know?

 

May god bless my higher power.

 

 

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Pro Empowerment - Engage & Enable


March 30, 2013 at 10:41 AM Flag Quote & Reply

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