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Forum Home > The 13th Step and Crime > AA the borderline playground , think before you 13th step

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Surviving the Crash after your Crush

It's not that there are actually more women than men with BPD, it's that we haven't identified the ways it manifests in males, as pathological. We might have climbed on-board with the 'male bashing' some women have promoted, and assumed this gender had innate deficits when they've acted like "jerks," but what's often spawned our pejorative view, is aberrant behavior patterns in men with borderline traits. Does that rearrange your mental files??


Male BPD traits include; impulsivity, passive aggression, lying, stalking, lack of empathy, poor self-worth, drug/alcohol abuse, extramarital affairs, rageful outbursts, depression/suicidal ideation, inability to hold difficult emotions or self-soothe, self-harming behaviors (or accident prone), cognitive distortion and projections, splitting (love you/hate you), physical volatility or violence, rebound relationships, anxiety or OCD issues, self-sabotage in personal and professional realms, an incapacity to want you unless they can't have you, extreme jealousy, narcissism/grandiosity, selective memory/recall, black or white thinking, verbal exhibitionism, codependency (and other addictions), control issues, eating disorders, emotional blackmail, childhood molestation, dissociation or "black-outs," perfectionism/rigidity, and drawn to inaccessible women or long-distance romances .

Borderline Personality Disorder in men is harder to recognize than in women, because their seductions are usually emotional, rather than sexual. The Male Borderline may appear 'normal' in contrast to other men, who seem so afraid of closeness, they're back-peddling before your second date! For simplicity's sake, this piece names the borderline disordered male, Casanova. Seducing women feeds his narcissism, and fills his core emptiness--it's his addiction. Since he can't form solid/healthy attachments, he takes hostages. Make sure you don't become his next prisoner.

Read more  http://www.sharischreiber.com/casanova.html

Guys , this is for you.

If you date enough women, eventually you will encounter one with Borderline Personality Disorder. Try it in AA it won't take long at all.


Is it common for a BPD woman to have a lot of guy friends and really no close girl friends, she will tell you all her friends are guys and that she's not close to other women because they are usually petty and jealous.


1. She makes you feel incredibly special and says things to you that no woman has ever said before. (It is called idealizing or idealization and it’s a psychological defense mechanism normally used by children on their parents.) The fact is that she does not really believe that you are any more special than anyone else is.)


2. She buys you very nice, even expensive gifts, very early in the relationship.


3. She quickly begins using the word “love”, often within the first few dates. (It is not real, although she may believe it is, real love does not happen in a week as most emotionally healthy people know.)


4. She makes her ex-husband or ex-boyfriend out to be a bad person, even abusive. (She is most likely exaggerating. In truth, any man who was married to or in a relationship with a borderline woman would certainly have plenty of reasons to be angry, frustrated, confused, and even hurt.)


5. She talks about how her ex cheated on her. (Maybe he did and maybe he did not, but it is just as likely that she cheated on him. Borderline woman are more likely than the average woman to be promiscuous and to cheat in relationships. The reasons are complex and a borderline woman can often justify her own cheating.


6. She had sex with you on the first or the second date. (It may have been an attempt to grab your attention or to try to control you.)


7. She drinks to excess and perhaps uses drugs? (alcohol, prescription drugs, and "recreational drugs" are one of the quickest, most available and efficient ways for those with bpd to soothe their deep emotional pain and anxiety.)


8. She gets very jealous when you talk about other women, even your female friends. (Borderline women are very insecure and they view the other women in your life as a threat. They often develop something called “delusional jealousy” and will imagine that their partner is being unfaithful)


9. She is an amazing lover who will do whatever it takes to please you in bed. (Sex is almost like a weapon for a borderline woman, she will use it to get control of you and secure you. Borderline women also seem to enjoy sex more and are generally more promiscuous. It is believed that the close intimate contact fills the emotional emptiness inside of them.)


10. She is incredibly moody, with periodic bursts of extreme anger, sometimes called borderline rage. (Mood instability is a common clinical feature of borderline personality disorder. Her moods can swing very rapidly, often within hours, from gloomy and depressed to happy to anxious to angry.)


11. She has a very difficult time with compliments. One of the underlying issues with bpd is a sense of being defective, unworthy, and unlovable. Women with bpd generally have low self esteem which borders on "self loathing"; a kind of hatred of oneself. As a result they will often doubt and question the sincerity of your compliments.


12. She has problems accepting blame or apologizing. This is certainly not true of all women with bpd, but it is for many. It is a trait that is common to both narcissists and borderlines; accepting responsibility for their actions. If you are dating a borderline woman and happen to be on the receiving end of her, "inability to accept blame", it can be quite remarkable.





June 22, 2014 at 5:52 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Posts: 851

Now that is interesting.  I think I, at least, will refrain from dating any women in AA.  I guess I should also not date any men in AA either.


Pro Empowerment - Engage & Enable

June 24, 2014 at 10:10 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Posts: 77

Live_free_or_die at June 24, 2014 at 10:10 AM

Now that is interesting.  I think I, at least, will refrain from dating any women in AA.  I guess I should also not date any men in AA either.

I found a better one that should put the brakes on any sane mans 13th stepping ideas,


Saving your Life after Loving a Borderline.

You're hurting. You've never felt this excruciating pain before, and you need it to stop. Perhaps she's left you for another--or just abruptly left, and this terrible lack of closure has you confounded. You're constantly replaying each moment of this relationship in your mind, to comprehend why she's suddenly gone--and you keep blaming yourself. It's hard to make sense of these awful feelings, because there could have been times you thought of leaving--but you've patiently hung on, hoping it would get better. Your emotional roller-coaster ride has finally ended, but all you can think about is having her back.


When you're involved with a borderline disordered female, you feel ebullient when things are “good” between you, and miserable when they're not. You might think of her like a drug you can’t live without, because you've felt alive and buoyant when she was attentive, available and loving, and tortured and empty when she was indifferent, detached or cruel. During frequent breakups or periods of distancing, you may have desperately longed for her return, and resorted to elaborate means to re-engage her.


In the wake of this involvement, you're probably obsessing about what she's feeling or doing, who she's screwing--and wondering if she's thinking at all about you. Your emotionally treacherous dance with a borderline girlfriend or wife may be over--but if your feelings of regret, shame and emptiness are so unbearable, that you want her back at any cost, this was written for You.


Continued here http://www.sharischreiber.com/anycost.html


Did you see that new girl at the meeting ? She is really hot ! She kind of maybe looks like the type that likes to play head games so lets totally ignore those instincts and lessons from the past and go for it !

June 24, 2014 at 10:43 PM Flag Quote & Reply

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