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Forum Home > Healing After Leaving AA > How are you feeling?

Posts: 435

I became a bit somber tonight.  Not a big deal really, some of it turned out to be good actually.  I came to realize one of the frustrations I have had from being around domineering people in my life, AA or otherwise.  I've often been told not only what to think, but how to feel.  


For example, addicts are "angry" and shouldn't be.....Addicts have guilt and shame.....We should be thankful, not ever critical.


I can't recall one time in AA that another member asked me how I felt about something or if it did happen, how I should feel instead. 


Anyone else experience this? 


Pro Empowerment!

October 10, 2012 at 12:57 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Posts: 319

if you don't mind me tossing in my POV on this--

1.  "control-freaks;"

2.  if you KNOW what/how you feel, you're probably in better shape than they are-  and it can get the resentments going.  

If you don't mind me asking, when they pulled this crap was it a matter of telling you 'the program SAYS...' or something else?  

Reason I ask is when individuals pulled it on me, they never even TRIED to use 'program' as an excuse.  

October 10, 2012 at 1:48 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Posts: 435

Members did this a lot but it also happened in other parts of my life, like by parents or my brothers. I'm the youngest of many and my parents were/are rather controlling. It may be a personality thing, people push when they realize the kind of person you are. I was always quiet, not necessarily agreeable but didn't often voice my different opinion.


I don't know if that answers your question. Members, I think they always assumed to know more because they had more clean time. Although they may never have said "the program thinks...", I believe this is where they learned it and in some cases learned that "it was OK" to tell people this stuff.


I never minded the shares I heard that were spoken using "I think, feel", etc. It was when they said "you!" or "we" that I began to loathe it. No cross talk, right? I could try to "leave the rest" but that shit seeps in after a while.


I think you are right. Control freaks. And most of the time I found that they didn't mind saying that. It's gotten to the point now that when it happens in regular life I always want to point out that it's rude. It doesn't go over to well but the alternative is continuing to listen to it.


Pro Empowerment!

October 10, 2012 at 2:07 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Posts: 335

The You & We thing used to bug me as well & it is arrogant.

October 12, 2012 at 2:06 AM Flag Quote & Reply

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